Anonymous said: What are your thoughts on the Razorback? I believe it is absolutely useless, as any revolver will kill a Sniper in 3 shots or less.

THE RAZORBACK IS USELESS FOR PREVENTING A SPY FROM KILLING YOU. HOWEVER, IT HAS OTHER USES.

BARD™

Anonymous said: Hi. Long fan of the huge walls of delightfully vulgar information dumps that is the blog. Recently, I've been trying out a Gunslinger/Widowmaker loadout, a self-sufficient Engineer, if you will, where the aim is to set up an entire Engy nest without picking up ammo packs. This means using the Widowmaker extensively for such purposes. I've come to find I can more often than not never have to stop firing my primary. Plus the 3rd-punch-crit thing on the Gunslinger is fun as dicks. Thoughts?

AGGRO ENGINEER IS UNCONVENTIONAL, BUT IT’S DEFINITELY FUN. TWO SIDE NOTES ON THE GUNSLINGER - FIRSTLY, YOU CAN START A COMBO BY PUNCHING YOUR TEAMMATES, AND SECONDLY, IF YOU HOLD YOUR RIGHT MOUSE BUTTON DOWN, YOU CAN KEEP YOUR COMBO GOING AS LONG AS YOU DON’T MISS AN ATTACK. TOGETHER, THESE BUGS MEAN THAT YOU CAN DO SOME CRAZY JANKY BULLSHIT - HOLD DOWN YOUR RIGHT MOUSE BUTTON, PUNCH AN ALLY TWICE, AND THEN RUN UP TO AN ENEMY AND PUNCH THEM. YOU’LL HAVE A GUARANTEED CRIT SAVED UP FROM THE COMBO THAT YOU HELD ONTO WITH YOUR RMB AND YOU’LL BE THE BANE OF THE ENEMY TEAM. UNTIL SOMEONE SHOOTS YOU, I GUESS.

-TFHT

image

THIS CHINA LAKE LAUNCHER IS THE FUCKING MECCA OF DEMOMAN. EVERYONE KNOWS DEEP, DEEP INSIDE THEIR HEART THAT THE STOCK GRENADE LAUNCHER AIN’T GOT SHIT ON THE LOCH-N-LOAD. 

THIS BULLSHIT MACHINE IS AMAZING. IT’S GOT+25% DAMAGE AND +50% PROJECTILE SPEED, MEANING DIRECT HITS WITH THIS WEAPON DO FUCKING INCREDIBLE AMOUNTS OF DAMAGE.

ALSO? NO DAMAGE FALL OFF.

ON THE DOWNSIDE, IT HAS -50% CLIP SIZE AND THE PILLS ONLY EXPLODE WHEN THEY HIT AN ENEMY DIRECTLY, THEY SHATTER OFF OF SURFACES.

OKAY, THAT JUST MEANS YOUR AIM GAME HAS TO BE ON POINT.

THIS THING CAN DISH OUT AN HONEST FUCK LOAD OF DAMAGE ON A HIT. THE WIKI GIVES A DAMAGE RANGE OF 103-147, BUT THROUGH EXPERIENCE I’M GONNA CALL MILD BULLSHIT ON THAT AND SAY IT’S CLOSER TO 95-160, SINCE I’VE SEEN BOTH OF THOSE NUMBERS FOR DAMAGE BEFORE WHILE USING THIS, WITH NO CRITS OR MINICRITS.

THE MORE ASTUTE OF YOU MAY HAVE ALREADY NOTICED SOMETHING HILARIOUS- THE DAMAGE RANGE ON THIS MEANS THAT, ON AVERAGE, YOU TRASH SCOUTS, SPIES, SNIPERS, AND NON-GUNSLINGER ENGINEERS AT FULL HEALTH IN ONE HIT. 

BEYOND THE PURE APESHIT DAMAGE OUTPUT, THIS HAS THE ADDED BENEFIT OF BEING THE SECOND BEST WEAPON (SECOND TO THE FLAMETHROWER(S)) IN THE GAME TO SPYCHECK WITH, BECAUSE MORE OFTEN THAN NOT IT’LL CHECK THAT IT’S A SPY, AND TURN THEM INTO A STAIN AND FAINT MEMORIES. 

ALSO THERE IS LITERALLY NOTHING FUNNIER IN THE GAME THAN FUCKING TRASHING THOSE JUMPY BITCHES KNOWN AS SCOUTS IN ONE HIT. LITERALLY NOTHING. GOD DAMN IT GIVES ME THE TINGLES JUST THINKING ABOUT IT.

ALSO, SNIPERS. IT’S LIKE FLARESNIPING SNIPERS, BUT WAY MORE HILARIOUS IF YOU TRASH THEM IN ONE HIT.

THE THING ABOUT THE LOCH-N-LOAD HOWEVER IS THAT YOU REALLY DO HAVE TO HAVE GODLIKE AIM IN ORDER FOR THIS TO BE EFFECTIVE. IF YOUR AIM ISN’T UP TO PAR, THEN YOU’RE GONNA HAVE A MUCH EASIER TIME WITH THE STOCK LAUNCHER OR THE LOOSE CANNON.

THE TRICK TO AIMING THIS PENIS ALLEGORY IS PREDICTION. IF YOU SEE A SCOUT RUNNING HIS LITTLE LEGGIES AT FULL SPEED AND SHOOT DIRECTLY AT HIM, YOU’RE GONNA MISS. LEAD YOUR TARGETS. THE LONGER YOU PLAY THE GAME IN GENERAL, THE MORE YOU’LL FUNDAMENTALLY UNDERSTAND EACH CLASS’ MOVEMENT AND SPEED WHILE MOVING AND THE EASIER TIME YOU’LL HAVE PREDICTING WHERE THEY’LL BE IN 1.2 SECONDS OR SO. ANOTHER ONE IS JUST PRACTICE WITH THE WEAPON TO GET THE PROJECTILE SPEED ENGRAVED IN YOUR BRAIN.

ALSO, THE REDUCED CLIP SIZE ISN’T THAT BAD IN TERMS OF DAMAGE-PER-CLIP, BUT THE CONSTANT RELOADING DEFINITELY HURTS SOMETIMES.

*PULLS UP CHAIR, SITS ON IT BACKWARDS* IT’S TIME TO HAVE THE COMBO TALK.

THE LOCH ACTUALLY PAIRS REALLY WELL WITH THE SCOTRES, AS THE SCOTRES DOESN’T HAVE THE APEFUCK DAMAGE SPEED OF THE STOCK STICKY LAUNCHER, THE LOCH CAN (MORE THAN) MAKE UP FOR THE DAMAGE WHILE STILL HAVING A STICKY LAUNCHER FOR DEFENSE. 

BEFORE THEY REMOVED THE SET BONUSES LAST YEAR, ONE OF THE MOST SOLID NON-STICKY DEMO SETUPS WAS THE LOCH, THE CHARGIN’ TARGE, AND THE ULLAPOOL CABER. THE LOCH AND THE CABER GAVE +10% BULLET RESISTANCE I BELIEVE IT WAS (ACTUALLY IT WAS FIRE RESISTANCE -TFHT), AND THE TARGE GAVE THE MASSIVE DEFENSIVE BUFFS WHILE ALLOWING LIMITED KNIGHTING. THE LOCH WAS YOUR MAIN WEAPON, YOUR ACTUAL PRIMARY, AND YOU WENT AROUND SOAKING UP DAMAGE, LAUGHING, AND FARTING DAMAGE BACK AT PEOPLE.

NOW FOR MY FAVORITE SHIT IN THE WORLD: LOCHKNIGHTING.

OKAY, SO LOCHKNIGHTING IS PRETTY FUNDAMENTALLY HOW YOU DON’T PLAY DEMOKNIGHT. YOU KNOW WHAT? WHO FUCKING CARES. 

IF YOU GO WITH THE LOCH INSTEAD OF THE BOOTIES, NO MATTER YOUR KNIGHTING SETUP FOR THE MOMENT, YOU INSTANTLY HAVE WAY MORE DAMAGE OUTPUT. JUST, A FRANKLY CRAZY AMOUNT MORE. 

THE DEVIL’S IN THE DETAILS THOUGH, AND IT’S TIME TO PERFORM AN EXORCISM.

THE LOCH PROVIDES SOMETHING NEW AND SYNERGISTIC TO EACH SHIELD. I BRIEFLY TALKED ABOUT THE TARGE UP A COUPLE OF SENTENCES AGO, AND THAT’S PRETTY MUCH WHY THE LOCH/TARGE IS GOOD. IT TAKES THE RELATIVELY LIMITED DAMAGE POTENTIAL OF THE TARGE AND BALANCES THAT RIGHT OUT.

THE SCREEN IS WHERE THE LOCH GETS FUN. FIRST, SOME MORE EXPOSITION.

THE WIKI GIVES THE DAMAGE RANGE FOR A CRITICAL LOCH PILL AS 342-388, WHICH UNFORTUNATELY I HAVEN’T BEEN PAYING ATTENTION TO THE NUMBERS ENOUGH WHILE I’M PLAYING, SO I CAN NEITHER CONFIRM NOR REFUTE THAT EXACTLY, BUT IT DOES IN FACT SEEM CORRECT.

FOR THOSE OF YOU WITH NO BRAINSTEMS, THAT MEANS THAT THE ONLY THING YOU CAN’T TRASH IN ONE HIT WITH A CRIT PILL IS A FULLY OVERHEALED HEAVY, AND THE LAST PILL IN YOUR CLIP WILL ABSOLUTELY TAKE CARE OF THAT. A CRIT LOCH PILL IS THE SECOND HIGHEST DAMAGE PROJECTILE OR HITSCAN SHOT IN THE GAME, ONLY BELOW A FULLY CHARGED SNIPER RIFLE HEADSHOT. A CRIT SCOTRES CARPET WILL REMAIN THE HIGHEST DAMAGE, BUT FOR DAMAGE IN A SINGLE PROJECTILE/SHOT, A CRIT LOCH PILL (ALMOST) TAKES THE CAKE.

NOW, BACK TO THE SPLENDID SCREEN.

AS YOU ALL (SHOULD) KNOW, THE SPLENDID SCREEN SACRIFICES SOME OF THE TARGE’S DEFENSE FOR THE ABILITY TO CRIT AND SHIELD BASH AT ANY DISTANCE IN THE CHARGE. IF YOU RUN LOCH/SHIELD, THIS MEANS THAT YOU CAN GET A CRIT PILL WHENEVER THE FUCK YOU FEEL LIKE IT. I’VE SERIOUSLY STUMPED BOTH ENTIRE PUSHES AND ENTIRE DEFENSES WITH A SINGLE CRIT LOCH PILL, I CANNOT OVERSTRESS HOW AMAZING THE ABILITY TO CRIT ON COMMAND WITH THIS WEAPON IS. EVEN DAMAGE FALLOFF FROM THE BLAST RADIUS IS ENOUGH TO KILL ALMOST ANYONE STANDING NEAR IT WHEN IT GOES OFF, I.E. EVERYONE IN A PUSH OR STANDING ON A POINT DEFENDING.

THE ONLY PROBLEM IS THAT WHEN YOUR SHIELD IS RECHARGING, YOU’RE NOT GOING TO BE AS APESHIT CRAY WITH IT, BUT HONESTLY EVEN WITHOUT THE CRITS THE LOCH IS MORE THAN ENOUGH TO HANDLE WHATEVER YOU HAVE TO HANDLE.

OF COURSE, IF YOU TIME IT RIGHT, THE TARGE CAN GIVE THE LOCH GUARANTEED CRITS, BUT IT’S MUCH MORE RELIABLE WITH THE SHIELD.

THE LOCH/TIDE TURNER DESERVES SPECIAL MENTION.

I’VE TALKED BRIEFLY BEFORE ABOUT IT, AND HOW IF YOU TIME IT RIGHT (LIKE THE TARGE) YOU CAN GET A CRIT PILL, GET A KILL, RECHARGE YOUR CHARGE, CHARGE, GET A CRIT PILL, RINSE AND REPEAT UNTIL YOU WIN.

THIS IS ABOUT 75% OF WHY THE LOCH/TIDE IS AMAZING. THE OTHER 25% IS WHY I BASICALLY MAIN LOCH/TIDE/CLAIDHEAMH THESE DAYS.

WITH THE NO TURNING PENALTY AND THE REDUCED HEALTH PENALTY OF THE CLAIDHEAMH, RUNNING THE BOOTIES WITH THE TIDE AND CLAIDHEAMH IS ALMOST A WASTE. THAT’S WHY I RUN THE LOCH WITH IT, FOR BOTH DEFENDING MYSELF AT A DISTANCE AND TRASHING PEOPLE WITH THE CHARGE CRITS. THIS IS THE PERFECT OFFENSIVE DEMOKNIGHT SETUP, THE TIDE AND CLAIDHEAMH LET YOU ACTUALLY STILL KNIGHT 100% EFFECTIVELY, WHILE THE LOCH GIVES YOU THAT EXTRA DAMAGE POTENTIAL, AND GIVES YOU BACK YOUR RANGED CAPABILITY. THAT 25% OF AMAZING, THE BOOTY REPLACING, IS IN FACT WHY THIS HAS BEEN MY DEFAULT DEMO SETUP FOR THE PAST LIKE 5 WEEKS.

IN CONCLUSION: THIS WEAPON IS AN UPGRADE TO STOCK IF YOU CAN AIM WELL. LIKE SERIOUSLY, I WANT EVERYONE TO GO PRACTICE WITH IT, BECAUSE THE LOCH-N-LOAD WILL MAKE YOUR LIFE BETTER IN TF2. SERIOUSLY

BARD™

Anonymous said: I really like the B.A.S.E Jumper and the idea of flying around but is it a good weapon to use?

IT’S QUALITY FOR SOLDIER IF YOU’RE USING THE AIR STRIKE, OR IF YOU’RE JUST AWESOME ENOUGH TO PULL OFF SOME 3D MURDER BULLSHIT WITH OTHER LAUNCHERS. IT LACKS A BIT FOR DEMO, AS THE ONE WEAPON THAT WOULD BE HELLA FUN TO RAIN DOWN ON PEOPLE FROM THE SKIES, THE GRENADE LAUNCHER, IS WHAT THE BASE JUMPER REPLACES. 

THE AIR STRIKE/BASE JUMPER IS THE ONLY WAY TO PLAY THE AIR STRIKE, BUT OTHER THAN THAT IT’S ONLY DECENT IF YOU KNOW HOW TO MANEUVER INCREDIBLY WELL. THE COW MANGLER AND BEGGAR’S BAZOOKA ARE BOTH ADEQUATE WITH IT AS WELL, BOTH OF THEM BEING CAPABLE OF HIGH DPS (DICKSHOTS PER SECOND) AND THE BASE JUMPER WILL LET YOU FIRE THEM OFF FROM UNEXPECTED ANGLES, GIVING THE ENEMIES LESS TIME TO DODGE, IF THEY EVEN NOTICE AT ALL.

OF FUCKING COURSE, IT’S ALSO BASICALLY REPLACED THE MANTREADS IN THE TROLLDIER LOADOUT, SO Y’KNOW. THAT’S A USE FOR IT, BUT IF YOU PLAY TROLLDIER, YOU ALSO GOTTA SUCK A DICK. THAT’S THE ENTRY FEE FOR IT, SO I DUNNO IF IT’S WORTH IT TO YOU.

BARD™

greenbit5721 said: Since this is a discussion on the TF2 subreddit, which shotgun serves as the better scout, BFB, or The Stock? (and which works better for assassination/ distraction)

STOCK: HAS NO WEAKNESSES. THAT’S ALWAYS THE UPSIDE TO THE STOCK WEAPONS, THEY ARE PERFECTLY EVEN ACROSS THE BOARD IN EVERY CATEGORY. THAT BEING SAID, THE STOCK SCATTERGUN IS ONE OF THE STRONGEST STOCK WEAPONS IN THE GAME RELATIVE TO THE OTHERS IN ITS CLASS. IT PROVIDES 100% MOBILITY, 100% DAMAGE, AND 100% AMMO CAPACITY. IT’S PERFECT FOR THE SCOUT WHO REALLY WANTS TO DO SOMETHING FOR HIS TEAM, BUT IS NOT QUITE SURE WHAT THAT “SOMETHING” IS YET.

THE BABY FACE BLASTER, ON THE OTHER HAND, IS MORE SPECIALIZED. THE BFB IS MUCH MORE OF A SPEEDY ASSASSINATION SCATTERGUN THAN THE STOCK, WITH ITS REDUCED CLIP BUT EXTRA SPEED. IF YOU WANT TO POTSHOT THE ENEMY TEAM, THEN RACE BY THEM AT THE SPEED OF LIGHT, HIDE, AND COME OUT AGAIN TO MURDER, THIS WEAPON IS PERFECT FOR YOU.

THE STOCK OVERALL IS MUCH BETTER AT DISTRACTION THAN ASSASSINATION, AT LEAST COMPARED TO THE BFB. THEY DO EQUAL DAMAGE, BUT THE BFB LETS YOU ESCAPE STICKY SITUATIONS EASIER. 

OF COURSE, THE BEST DISTRACTION SCATTERGUN IS STILL THE SHORTSTOP, AND THE BEST ASSASSINATION SCATTERGUN IS THE BACKSCATTER, BUT THE STOCK AND BFB HAVE OTHER STRENGTHS WHILE THE BACKSCATTER AND SHORTSTOP ARE PRETTY MUCH LIMITED TO ASSASSINATION AND DISTRACTION, RESPECTIVELY.

BARD™

IF YOU’RE HAVING MAD ISSUES ROCKET OR STICKY JUMPING, READ A GUIDE ON OR TRY OUT SURFING. AIR STRAFING IS TRICKY DICKY SHIT, BUT IT COMPROMISES BOTH EXPLOSIVE JUMPING AND SURFING, AND SURFING IS HELLA GOOD PRACTICE FOR IT. JUST PRACTICING SURFING HAS MADE ME 200% MORE MANEUVERABLE IN THE AIR, AND IT ELEVATES SOLDIER TO THE NEXT SEXUAL TIER.

BARD™

Anonymous said: DO YOU REALLY HAVE A MURDERECTION.

IMPLYING THAT I WOULDN’T?

IT’S LIKE A RAGEBONER, BUT BETTER FOR PLAYING TF2 WITH.

-TFHT

Anonymous said: DO YOU THINK CONFIDENCE PLAYS A ROLE IN YOUR AIMING/EFFICIENCY IN COMBAT. AND IT WAS DIVIDES PLAYERS FROM FINE BRAVERY AND ABSOLUTE STUPIDITY

WHEN IT COMES TO ANYTHING COMPETITIVE, ATTITUDE AND FRAME OF MIND ARE 75% OF IT. IT’S THE CONCEPT OF MOMENTUM IN SPORTS: THE MORE YOU WIN, THE BETTER YOU FEEL AND THE MORE CONFIDENT YOU ARE IN YOUR GAME, AND THE MORE YOU WIN! THE SAME THING APPLIES TO TF2, OR ANY OTHER COMPETITIVE VIDEO GAME REALLY. 

OF COURSE, THERE IS THE OVERCONFIDENCE THING TO WORRY ABOUT TOO. JUST MAKE SURE THAT YOU’RE THINKING REASONABLY WHEN YOU’RE HIGH ON LIFE PLAYING TF2, OR ELSE YOU’LL GET MURDLED.

BARD™

Anonymous said: any thoughts on the playstyle: safe Eternal reward. Basically it's backstab an enemy and disguise as them, but still having the option for disguising for a quick get away and infiltration

THE WHOLE POINT OF THE YER IS IT’S RISK VS REWARD. TAKING THE RISK AND KEEPING THE REWARD - ADDING TO IT, EVEN - WOULD BE STUPIDLY OVERPOWERED. THE YER ONLY WORKS BECAUSE THE INSTANT DISGUISE MECHANIC IS BALANCED BY THE LACK OF NATURAL DISGUISE. IT’S HARDER TO START A CHAINSTAB, BUT HARDER FOR THE ENEMY TO STOP YOU ONCE IT’S GOING, Y’DIG?

-TFHT

Anonymous said: Reading your posts in all-caps is giving me a headache. :C

READING YOUR POSTS IN NOT-ALL-CAPS IS DEFLATING MY RAGING MURDERECTION.

-TFHT

ALSO I’M BACK Y’ALL