Anonymous asked: WHAT SHOULD I USE WITH HUNTSMAN IF I WANT TO PLAY A MORE OFFENSIVE SNIPER?

MY PERSONAL FAVORITE IS THE JARATE AND THE BUSHWACKA, BUT I’VE ALSO SEEN PEOPLE ROCK THE CLEANER’S CARBINE AND THE BUSHWACKA WITH THE NEW NERF. 

ALTERNATIVELY, TO TURN INTO A TANK, I’D RUN THE DARWIN’S DANGER SHIELD AND SHAHANSHAH WITH IT. GIVES YOU MORE SURVIVABILITY, AND MORE RANGE FOR THE +50% DAMAGE ON THE SHAHANSHAH.

BARD™

sympatheticterminator asked: IS THERE A GOOD WAY TO PLAY DEMOKNIGHT ON MVM OR SHOULD I JUST STICK TO MY STICKY EXPLODING BALLS AND FORGET ABOUT SHIELDS AND SWORDS?

HONESTLY, DEMOKNIGHT IS ONE OF THE MOST SATISFYING THINGS TO DO IN MvM. WITH THE RIGHT UPGRADES (HoK AND CoK ALWAYS), YOU BECOME A COMBAT GOD, ALWAYS CAPABLE OF MURDERING AS LONG AS YOU HAVE THINGS TO MURDER. 

DEMOKNIGHT ON THE NORMAL MISSION (I FORGET THE NAME) FOR DECOY IS THE BEST THING EVER. THERE’S A ROUND THAT JUST HAS 100 SCOUTS, AND IF YOU SIT NEAR THEIR SPAWN AND SWING YOUR PORK SWORD AROUND, YOU’RE GUARANTEED A TON OF KILLS. I ONCE PLAYED THAT, WITH A FULL TEAM OF 6 PEOPLE, AND ENDED THE ROUND AT 66 HEADS. I STARTED AT 0.

HOWEVER, FOR ACTUAL MvM, EXPLODING BALLS ARE MUCH BETTER THAN SHIELDS AND SWORDS. DEMOKNIGHT, WHILE AMAZING IN LARGE GROUPS OF TINY ENEMIES, BECOMES ABSOLUTE SHIT AGAINST GIANTS AND TANKS. GIANTS AND TANKS ARE A PRETTY HUGE PORTION OF REAL MvM MISSIONS, AND THEY’LL MAKE YOUR LIFE HELL. REGULAR DEMO IS PRETTY MUCH AS GOOD WITH SMALLER ENEMIES, BUT IS ALSO CAPABLE OF MORE DAMAGE AGAINST THE BIG DUDES.

ALL IN ALL DEMOKNIGHT IS HILARIOUSLY FUN AND SATISFYING AND NOT INEFFECTIVE, JUST NOT GOOD ENOUGH TO PLAY SRSLY.

BARD

ALRIGHT, THROUGH MY SHAKING ANGER AT THIS GUN, I’M PROBABLY NOT GOING TO FINISH THE ENFORCER POST. IT’S SHITTY, AND ULTIMATELY THERE’S NOT A WHOLE LOT I CAN SAY ABOUT IT OTHER THAN “IT SHOULDN’T FUCKING EXIST”.

BUT, FOR THE SAKE OF THE PEOPLE LOOKING FORWARD TO IT, I’LL OUTLINE WHY IT’S TERRIBLE.

-IT TAKES NO SKILL TO USE, AND UNLIKE OTHER NOOB WEAPONS, IT TEACHES THE WRONG SKILLS FOR PLAYING THE SPY CLASS.

-IT GIVES SPY WAAAAY TOO MUCH DIRECT DAMAGE. THE DIAMONDBACK AND AMBASSADOR HAVE MORE DAMAGE POTENTIAL, BUT THEY EACH REQUIRE EITHER MADD SKILL OR PLAYING THE CLASS CORRECTLY IN ORDER TO REACH THE POTENTIAL. THE ENFORCER, TO REACH ITS DAMAGE POTENTIAL, REQUIRES YOU TO BE UNDISGUISED AND RUSHING PEOPLE. THAT IS FUNDAMENTALLY NOT WHAT SPY IS.

-IT IS PART OF THE WORST SET EVER INVENTED.

FUCK THIS GUN, FUCK YOU IF YOU USE IT, FUCK YOUR FAMILY IF YOU THINK IT’S GOOD, AND FUCK EVERYONE IF VALVE EVER BUFFS IT.

DESPITE THE FACT THAT THIS POST SUCKED, GIMME SOME MORE WEAPON IDEAS TO REVIEW, OR MORE LOADOUTS.

BARD™

Anonymous asked: WE'VE ALL MET THOSE FEW PUB-STOMPING SNIPERS THAT CAN SWING THEIR MASSIVE COCKS AROUND AND LAND HEADSHOTS WITH ABOUT 0.4 SECONDS OF AIM TIME. WHAT KIND OF PENIS ENLARGING MEDICATION ARE THEY TAKING, AND DO YOU HAVE ANY TIPS ON HOW TO MATCH THEIR ALPHA AIM?

0.4 SECONDS OF AIM TIME SOUNDS A TOUCH AIMBOT-Y TO ME. BUT OTHERWISE IF YOU WANT TO GET GOOD, I HAVE ONLY ONE SUGGESTION

PRACTICE PRACTICE PRACTICE PRACTICE PRACTICE PRACTICE PRACTICE PRACTICE PRACTICE PRACTICE PRACTICE PRACTICE PRACTICE PRACTICE PRACTICE PRACTICE PRACTICE PRACTICE PRACTICE PRACTICE PRACTICE PRACTICE PRACTICE PRACTICE PRACTICE PRACTICE PRACTICE PRACTICE PRACTICE PRACTICE PRACTICE PRACTICE PRACTICE PRACTICE PRACTICE PRACTICE PRACTICE PRACTICE PRACTICE PRACTICE PRACTICE PRACTICE PRACTICE PRACTICE PRACTICE PRACTICE PRACTICE 

BARD™

Anonymous asked: WHAT KIND OF LOADOUT WOULD YOU RECOMMEND FOR PYRO ON MVM?

MMKAY, THERE ARE TWO WAYS TO PLAY PYRO IN MvM. ONE IS THE BOMBFUCKER, AND THE OTHER IS THE TANKWANKER.

TO PROPERLY PLAY THE BOMBFUCKER, YOU NEED TO HAVE THE STOCK FLAMETHROWER. ANY OTHER SECONDARIES ARE FINE, BUT SCORCH SHOT AND HOMEWRECKER ARE POPULAR FOR EXTRA CROWD CONTROL AND HELPING YOUR ENGIE, SO I’D SUGGEST THEM. FIRST OFF, BEFORE WAVE 1 STARTS, SHOVE ALL YOUR MONEY INTO AIRBLAST, AND IF YOU HAVE ANY LEFT OVER INTO AMMO CAPACITY. BECOME A JUGGLING GOD. JUGGLE THE FUCK OUT OF THE BOMB CARRIER. FUCKJUGGLE HIM INTP PITS, OFF MAPS, EVEN JUST TO BEHIND WHERE HE WAS. IF A DUDE IS ABOUT TO CAP AND YOU PUSH HIM BACK TO ABOUT HALFWAY THROUGH THE MAP, THAT’S AS GOOD AS KILLING HIM. OF COURSE, LIGHT SHIT ON FIRE TOO, THAT’S IMPORTANT. ONCE YOU HAVE MAX AIRBLAST AND ONE OR TWO INTO AMMO, UPGRADE DAMAGE. PEOPLE HAVE RECENTLY STARTED FROWNING ON THIS SET FOR SOME GODDAMNED REASON IN MvM, BUT IT’S STILL SUPER QUALITY

THE OTHER WAY YOU CAN PLAY IT IS THE TANKWANKER. YOU NEED TO HAVE THE PHLOGISTINATOR FOR YOUR PRIMARY, ABSOLUTELY. SECONDARY DOESN’T REALLY MATTER, THOUGH I’VE SEEN PEOPLE ROCK THE SHOTGUN WITH IT. MELEE IS SLIGHTLY MORE IMPORTANT, IN THAT I HEAVILY SUGGEST HAVING A BACKSCRATCHER MORE THAN ANYTHING ELSE, JUST FOR THE EXTRA DAMAGE. BASICALLY, FOR THIS SET, YOU’RE PUMPING UP YOUR VANILLA DAMAGE AS MUCH AS YOU CAN, AND LEAVING THE CIRCUMSTANTIAL DAMAGE (I.E. AXTINGUISHER, FLARE GUN) ALONE. FIRST THING YOU UPGRADE IS DAMAGE AND AMMO CAPACITY FOR THE PHLOG, ABOUT HALF AND HALF FOR THE FIRST WAVE IF POSSIBLE. ONCE BOTH OF THOSE ARE MAXED, I’D START SHOVING CASH INTO SWING SPEED ON THE BACKSCRATCHER, FOR MOTHERFUCKING RIDONKULOUS DPS FOR A MELEE. AFTER THAT, PERHAPS PUT MONEY INTO YOUR SHOTGUN. AMMO AND DAMAGE ARE PRETTY MUCH ALL YOU NEED FOR THE PHLOG, SINCE TANKS CAN’T BE LIT ON FIRE. WHEN A TANK SHOWS UP IN A WAVE, HOP ON YOUR MIC AND BE LIKE “i got dis” TO THE REST OF YOUR TEAM, THEN JUMP AROUND AND START WANKING THAT TANK. STAND IN FRONT OF THE TANK, LET IT PUSH YOU, AND CONSTANTLY HOLD DOWN M1 UNTIL YOUR MMPH! BAR IS FULL, THEN KRITZ 4EVER. WITH THE UPGRADED DAMAGE, YOU SHOULD GET MMPH! REAL QUICK. IF YOU FOR SOME REASON RUN OUT OF AMMO WHILE TANKWANKING, SWITCH TO THE SHOTGUN AND FIRE A SINGLE CLIP, AS NOT FACTORING IN RELOADS IT HAS A HIGHER DPS (140) THAN THE BACKSCRACTER (100[1.0x10^2, IF YOU WANT TO BE EXACT]). HOWEVER, WHEN YOU AVERAGE IN RELOAD SPEED, THE BACKSCRATCHER QUICKLY OUTPACES THE SHOTGUN, WITH THE SHOTGUN’S DPS GOING TO 70.(IF THESE NUMBERS SEEM OFF, IT’S BECAUSE I USED SIGNIFICANT FIGURES, LIKE A REAL SCIENTIST)(ALSO, THESE NUMBERS ARE FOR UNUPGRADED VERSIONS OF EACH. I COULD FIGURE IT OUT FOR UPGRADED VERSIONS, BUT I DON’T WANNA). OF COURSE, YOU SHOULDN’T RUN OUT OF AMMO UNLESS YOU’RE LITERALLY A BRICK AND DON’T KNOW WHERE ANY AMMO DROPS ARE.

ONE OF THE MOST COMMON STRATEGIES I’VE SEEN WITH PYRO IS KEEPING THE BOMBFUCKER SET FOR MOST OF THE GAME, THEN FOR THE LAST 1-2 WAVES REFUNDING AND SWITCHING TO TANKWANKER. I’D PERSONALLY SUGGEST RESEARCHING THE LEVELS YOU WANT TO DO AND DECIDING WHETHER OR NOT YOU REALLY NEED THE EXTRA TANK DAMAGE AND GOING FROM THERE. OBVIOUSLY TOO, DO WHICHEVER IS MORE COMFORTABLE FOR YOU, TEAMMATES CAN PICK UP THE SLACK ON THE TANK IF YOU PREFER AIRBLASTING, AND VICE-VERSA.

BARD™

racwade asked: SPEAKING OF THE ENFORCER, HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT THE DR. TAPEFORCICLE LOADOUT? (Dead Ringer/red TAPE recorder/enFORCer/spyCICLE)

FUCK YOU AND THE HORSE YOU RODE IN ON

BARD™

FUCK THE ENFORCER

BARD™

Anonymous asked: LE'TRANGER BIG EARNER AND CLOAKNDAGGER. INSTEAD OF SITING ON ONE SPOT FOR 30 MINUTES LIKE A DIM-WITTED PANSY YOU STALK YOU TARGET INDEFINITELY UNTIL YOU FOUND THE RIGHT MOMENT TO POP OUT AND OOGA BOOGA THE CRAP OUTTA THEM AND THEN VANISH WITHOUT TRACES. (SUGGESTED COSMETIC: NOH FUCKING MERCY OR SEAL MASK)

IT’S KIND OF COOL, BUT AT THAT POINT IF YOU’RE BEING THAT MOBILE YOU MIGHT AS WELL USE THE STOCK INVIS WATCH. YOU DON’T SEEM TO BE PLANNING ON STANDING STILL SO YOU MIGHT AS WELL TAKE THE WATCH THAT CAN ACTIVE CLOAK FOR LONGER, AND JUST MEMORIZE AMMO LOCATIONS. 

RELEVANT PROTIP: SPY SHOULD BE THE LAST CLASS YOU PLAY. IT COMBINES RELEVANT KNOWLEDGE FROM EVERY OTHER CLASS. IN THIS CASE, SCOUT’S KNOWLEDGE OF THE MAP AND OF PICKUPS ON THE MAP, PLUS THE PYRO’S KNOWLEDGE OF ALTERNATE/LESS USED ROUTES, AND YOUR TARGET CLASS’ KNOWLEDGE OF THE USUAL PATH IF YOU LOSE YOUR WAY.

-TFHT

I HAVE OPINIONS TOO!!!

THIS IS A REAL GOOD SET IF YOU’RE SHITTY AT SPY, TO CAMP AND GET A FEW KILLS. HOWEVER, ONCE YOU ACTUALLY GET GOOD AT STABBING AND SHIT, YOU BASICALLY BECOME A CHUPACABRA, SUCKING PEOPLE DRY OF BLOOD IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT WHILE BEING INVISIBLE. THIS MAKES SPY AN INCREDIBLE PICK CLASS IN TERMS OF QUICK DAMAGE DEALT AND SURVIVABILITY.

HOWEVER, I ALSO WOULD SWITCH OUT THE C&D FOR THE STOCK ONCE YOU’VE GOT THE AMMO PICKUPS DOWN AND FEEL LIKE YOU’RE READY TO ELEVATE YOUR BODY TO THE NEXT LEVEL.

BARD™

Anonymous asked: JAG PISTOL AND WIDOWMAKER FOR A FAST LEVEL ONE DEPLOYING JACKASS OFFENSE ENGIE?

THAT IS WHAT I RUN BASICALLY 100% OF THE TIME.

10/10 WOULD BANG

BARD™

ask8bitstickman asked: ALRIGHT HOW'S ABOUT THIS FOR A SCOUT LOADOUT. BABY FACES BLASTER, CRIT A COLA AND WRAP ASSASSIN. BARE IN MIND THAT THE CRIT A COLA NOW ALSO GIVES A SPEED BONUS WHEN IN USED. COUPLED WITH THE BLASTER MAKES YOU GO ZOOM ZOOM. WRAP ASSASSIN WOULD BE USED JUST FOR GETTING THE BOOST UP ON THE BLASTER FROM A DISTANCE. WHAT DO YOU THINK?

SCOUT AFTER SMOKING PCP OUT OF A SMASHED CHRISTMAS ORNAMENT. I LOVE IT. CRITBLEED IS MY FAVORITE EFFECT EVER, EVEN IF IT’S MINICRITBLEED. THE ONLY PROBLEM I POTENTIALLY HAVE IS THAT IT WOULD BE SUPER SATISFYING TO RUN RIDICULOUSLY FAST AND FUCKING DO A DRIVEBY ON A HEAVY WITH A BASEBALL BAT, AND TO THAT EXTENT I MIGHT SWITCH OUT THE ASSASSIN FOR THE BASHER. OTHERWISE, SHIT, THIS IS QUALITY.

BARD™